All About Setting Goals

Exploring Beneath The Surface


Unwanted feelings and thoughts are rich territory to dive beneath the surface for fresh insights that open the heart. Imagine for a moment that you are floating along on the ocean of feelings unwilling to accept that the choppy waves to your left signify anger. If you put on snorkeling gear and dive under them, you will see a whole new world.

Beneath the anger you will most likely find a hurt or a fear. Complete the following sentences with yourself:

  • Each time I think of __________I get angry.

  • If I feel this anger, I'm afraid that ___________.

  • When I feel this anger, I am hurt about __________.

Remember, avoid assigning personal meaning to these feelings. (I'm such a terrible person for feeling and thinking this way.) Just swim around with your snorkel securely in place, investigation the fear and hurt that lies beneath the anger.

Surface briefly and reflect about the role your anger plays. Here are a few possibilities:

  • Anger is a shield that protects a part of me that feels afraid or hurt.

  • Anger is a red flag alerting me to the presence of fear of hurt.

  • Anger is a messenger. A part inside must feel afraid or hurt.

Now take a deep breath and dive again, looking next to the fear or hurt for a judgement it may have spawned, such as the following:

  • If people knew I was afraid they would reject me.

  • I'm pathetic for being afraid of this.

  • Feeling hurt is weak and foolish.

  • Because I feel hurt I am unworthy of love.

Chronic reactive angry responses can disrupt relationships, derail important business deals, and cause high blood pressure. Unexpected fear can freeze us in mid-sentence, hold us back from speaking our truth.

The heart - the energetic center of acceptance and loving - shuts down when you adopt black and white thinking. Desperately needing to stay in control of life and make sense of the world, you resort to rejecting what you see as wrong (bad, inappropriate, immoral) and cling to what you see as right (good, appropriate, moral).

When the heart opens, making sense of the world is not as important as being happy, finding lasting peace, feeling healthy and stress free, and getting a good night's sleep. Restraining from taking a position about the world, other's behavior, your performance at work allows the heart to thaw out revealing depths of information that quiets fear and loosens the grip of control. You then can live authentically rather than self-righteously.

Questions for Letting Go of Black/White Thinking:

  • If I am judging my husband/wife/boss/ friend do I also judge myself in the same way?

  • Am I condemning my mistakes or lack of perfection because I am afraid of failing or being seen as a failure?

  • Do I judge anger (fear, sadness, caring, loving) as wrong in others because I see it as wrong in myself?

  • Do certain people get on my nerves because I'm afraid their behavior resembles my own?

  • If I want to be happy rather than right in this situation, what do I need to accept and forgive in myself?

    Snorkeling can open the mind to what is really going on in your ocean of feelings. But only self-acceptance can uncover these truths and open the heart.

    © 2003, Rebecca Skeele, Author, Coach, Counselor

    You may publish this article on your website or for personal use as long as the article remains unchanged and the signature file is included. Notification of use is appreciated.

    About The Author

    New Strategies for Living Well
    Rebecca Skeele, MA, MSS
    Author, Coach, Speaker
    "expand your vision - change your life"
    BK: You Can Make It Heaven
    (505) 984-1739
    http://www.makeitheaven.com
    rebecca@makeitheaven.com


    MORE RESOURCES:

    Bristol Personal Development Goal Setting Seminar
    Emailwire - May 13, 2008
    Where he will share some powerful life changing Self Development and Goal Setting tools with YOU. Visit http://www.you-can-be.com/ to learn more today.


    Peach school board plans goal-setting retreat
    Macon Telegraph, GA - May 1, 2008
    By Jake Jacobs - jjacobs@macon.com Superintendent Susan Clark wants the Peach County school system off SACS probation. The sooner, the better. ...


    Goal setting advice for freelance writers and copywriters.
    Wire Service Canada (press release), Canada - Apr 16, 2008
    Nick Usborne's Goal Setting Rituals is the second in a series of guides created to help freelance writers and copywriters increase their productivity and ...


    Pool Board to hold goal setting workshop on April 21
    Reno Gazette Journal, NV - Apr 16, 2008
    FERNLEY--The Fernley Swimming Pool Board will hold a goal-setting workshop on April 21, from 10 am -4 pm in the Fernley City Hall Conference Room, ...


    Director of Customer Care
    Cable360.net, NY - 7 hours ago
    Maximize employee satisfaction, development and performance through goal setting and performance management practices. ...


    National Student innovation Awards
    Ottawa Start (press release), Canada - 10 hours ago
    Students create their own “ventures” and work with their mentors to enhance their enterprising skills such as goal setting, critical thinking, communicating ...


    Jamaica Gleaner

    Title: The Handbook Of Personal Financial Planning
    Jamaica Gleaner, Jamaica - Apr 20, 2008
    And. after they have been through 'Goal Setting', 'Bud-geting', 'Savings,' 'Debt,' 'Net Worth' and 'Tax Planning,' among other topics, the concept of ...


    NABE Announces Winners of the 2007 Pinnacle Book Achievement Award
    PR-CANADA.net (press release), Montenegro - 12 hours ago
    Annette is also the author of newly released Body Redesign: Goal Setting Secrets to a Happier, Thinner You. Your Highest Potential: The New Psychology of ...


    BCLocalNews

    N. Van’s McHugh best in world — again
    BCLocalNews, Canada - 15 hours ago
    McHugh, who offers no secret tips other than sensible eating, ambitious goal-setting and consistent training, credits much of her success to her friends at ...


    PANORAMA SCHOOL BOARD
    The Guthrian, IA - 17 hours ago
    He's involved in goal setting for school administrators. Middle School - Mark Johnston, principal, reported the middle school went to SportsPlex West in ...

    Goal-Setting - Google News

  • home | site map
    tons-of-articles.com © 2006